Tips for expectant dads.

Here are some things to consider when you accompany the soon-to-be mother of your child to the hospital.

1) Proper attire. Please consider what you are going to wear. Being showered and wearing clean clothes hardly counts if you show up wearing a MILF shirt or a T advertising your favorite strip club.

2) There is a proper amount of attentiveness. Hovering over your significant other and doing a full inquisition of every whimper is just as bad as ignoring her completely.

3) No matter how unplanned the pregnancy was, while she is pushing is not the time to start discussing a better form of birth control.

4) There is no need to video tape all 14 hours of labor. Wait until the pushing starts and unless you have prior approval, avoid the crotch shots.

5) You are not completely helpless. If the mom-to-be starts puking, get her a trash can. Don't casually wander off to get help as she continues to cover herself in vomit.

Most importantly, remember that you are not the star of this show. You may see your woman viler than ever before. She will return to normal, most of the time.