Wednesday, March 5, 2008

I know what you're thinking.

Ok, I know some of you must think that when I post about our "frequent flyer program" that I am being insensitive to poor first time mom's that just aren't quite sure about when they are in labor. You same people probably also think that we all laugh at these people as we send them home for being too dumb to know the difference between when they are in labor or they are having Braxton Hicks contractions. We don't. I am not talking about people that come in for a labor check, or two, or three or even four or five.

Last night, as we were reminiscing over some of our recently (and not so recently) delivered patients who were enrolled in our frequent visit rewards program we started to wonder which one actually had the most visits. The winner had a whopping 81 labor checks over a period of 2 1/2 months before she was finally induced at 40 weeks, probably because her doctors were sick of it. You can blame that one on them.

Now, when you come in to the hospital 81 times thinking you are in labor, especially when it isn't your first baby, to me that signifies a fundamental problem in following oral, written and even demonstrated instructions. And, had she have actually called her doctor first (the very first instruction always given) she could have saved herself some gas mileage on what I am going to guess is at least 78 of those visits. Although, that wouldn't be quite so dramatic and she would have missed the 18 phone calls always made to let everyone know that she had to go to the hospital again.

The point of that rant is to never fear, your nurses aren't thinking you are nuts until you have been there so many times that they have your name, address, social security number and the phone number of your seven emergency contacts all memorized, or of course you think your water broke but taste it to see if it was really pee and then admit it.

34 comments:

Jennboree said...

I was all hahahaha until the last line about pee and I nearly choked on my Oreo it was so funny/gross.

Amy said...

OMG 81??? She must be mental.

Jenna said...

As someone who has been through labor and delivery twice in the last 2 years- going to the hospital was always my LAST resort- and I never once stopped in for a labor check. I was in triage 1 time, the day I was eventually induced because of high BP... to have my BP monitored on doctors orders.

I wonder how little of a life these people have to go to the hospital 81 times- NUTSO!

Chris,Ericka, & Colton said...

I love when they have more triage visits than prenatal visits :0)

jen said...

81?!!

also I do not know what pee tastes like and I'm not about to find out.

I am convinced my nurses hated me. Like they heard everything that went on in that room and just rolled their eyes and tolerated me. Is there a speaker you guys listen to or something? he he.

(I am totally normal. At least I like to think I am.)

mrsmac said...

taste to see if it is pee????
81 times?!!?!?
yikes! i hope to not make that many visits to the doctor/hospital during all of my pregnancies!

Dorm Mom said...

LOL. I love this blog! I even sent the link to my SIL who is a nurse.

Brandy said...

Best. Blog. Ever. Kudos! I found the link yesterday on a friend's blog and I read every single story last night and today. Keep it up. I'm mildly obsessed with the whole pregnancy,L&D, and post-partum process anyway.....I LOVE IT! I'd love to know a little more about the author though...

Quinault said...

81 times in 2.5 months? She must have visited daily! I felt bad going in three times in my entire pregnancy. Admittedly, one of those times was for kidney stones though....

steph0205 said...

I love this blog, I too am fascinated by L&D stories for some reason...probably b/c I just gave birth for the first time myself recently ;-) These stories helped me understand (a) why my doc kept saying how 'low maintenance' of a patient I was and (b) why the L&D nurses were so nice to us in the hospital! When you said 'frequent flyer' I definitely thought around 10 times but 81???!!!! JEEZ!!!

Beth said...

Um, 81?!? Was she ever at home?

I remember being a frequent caller to my doc's office. To make it worse -- I work in L&D! Needless to say, baked goods were taken to the office -- & a couple bags of brownies were specifically designated for the nurse who triaged my calls... (And then there are all the sweets I gave to my co-workers!) Poor thing -- I did everything I could to NOT go into the hospital every dead-gum time I contracted (pretty much non-stop from 27 weeks on). Triage Nurse: "You should go in to be checked." My answer: "If I did that every time I contracted like this, I'd be there every day! Please ask Dr. ___ if I can just stay home this time! All I really need is a work excuse." .......Return phone call: "Dr. ___ agrees with you, he'll send a fax to your employer -- stay home."

FYI -- never did try to taste to see if any leakage was pee. Ewwww! Nitrizine is definitely the preferred method!

iambellaluna said...

I think by the 6 or 7th false alarm I would've waited until I was damn sure before stepping foot in the hospital again. But that probably won't happen with my luck!

CappuccinoLife said...

81??? Wow. Maybe that poor woman needed attention and y'all were her most convenient attention-givers??

I only go in for suspected labor once per pregnancy, preferably when I'm at 8 cm and feeling a little pushy. :p

audrey said...

81 times over 2 1/2 mos (I'm assuming ~75 days), that means somedays she went more than once! Holy crap! In both my pregnancies there was never a time I thought I was in labor once, I ended up induced with both.

What a whack job!

Mary said...

What I think is if you *think you might be* in labor, YOU AREN'T!

Caitlin Domanico said...

WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?!?! hahahahha

Jawndoejah said...

Wow...

What about the woman who goes against staying on the left side during a decel? I did this, my monitor was showing a decel when the nurse checked my cervix. When I got on my left side it was still 80. I asked to sit up and nurse said no, I then said "I'm doing it." I just had this feeling the hr would rise. I went against her wishes and sat up and baby's heart rate went up immediately to 124. I did this because I'd had nst's and sometimes the monitor would read 70-80. They would calmly move me and it was all okay, baby would have just moved and it was my heart rate. This time, the nurse didn't mention that until hours later. I worried though the whole time she thought I was "one of those women" who was going to fight her the whole way.

t.scott said...

A friend just sent me a link to your blog and I just read through all your past posts. I love it!! lol. I have 3 kids and have been with several friends and family members when they have given birth. Here I thought I had some pretty funny stories....you have great humor and amazing patience! Thanks for writing. :)

MissoulaChick said...

81?

I know this is only an insignificant part of it, but holy geez with even a modest twenty dollar copayment that is a ludicrous $1620 of freaky weird paranoia.

Fool!

DMB (andbabybmakesthree.wordpress.com) said...

New reader here, but I just wanted to say how much I enjoy your blog. I can't wait to have a minute to sit down and read your archives.

D

l&d.rn said...

Let's just say that 99% of the time these women that come in 30+ times and ride in on the "bus" with their caravan of family and friends behind them (meaning there is no stinking reason they couldn't get a ride there) are being funded by the common tax payer.

Brandy said...

Can we get a little background on the author? What part of the country you're from, how long you've been in L&D.....etc......THANKS!

tika_c said...

Just imagine how many calls and visits the Ped is getting now! What a tax on our health care system. I bet she didn't pay a dime for ANY of her visits.

utahmomma said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unresponsive said...

I'm loving this blog! I work in psych but our most frequent flyer had a paltry 33 visits in 5 years.

I bow to your skills! :)

the MomBabe said...

this hits close to home with me.... with my 4th baby, I had to go to the hospital all the time because I couldn't tell if it was real labor or not..... thank goodness it always was, otherwise I would've felt like an even bigger idiot.....

The Walsh's said...

HA! This was me...although I was on vacation out of country and swore I lost my mucous plug in my 24th week. I went to the ER for three days straight and was sent away every time. I was in a movie theater when I started to feel a bit strange. Went to the bathroom and my son's feet were coming out. I pushed them back in, went straight back to the ER (the same one I'd visited freqently) and I was made to wait an hour before someone would do a cervix check. I'm sure they were thinking, "Uh huh. Feet. Yeah. Laughing at the nurses' desk." But lo and behold - I was 5 cm dialated.

24 hours later I gave birth by emergency c section to a 1 lb. 11 oz. baby boy. Thankfully, as you'll see from the blog, he's a happy and healthy 18 month old (well, minus the feeding tube and the chronic lung issues :)

I'm loving your blog. New to it. It's FABULOUS.

Amy and Cody said...

This is the funniest blog I have ever read.

Sarah said...

I needed this story! I know people like this (well, maybe not 81 times, but the "looking-for-drama-at-every-chance" pregnant person is quite common in my life!)

Sometimes it drives me batty! I could just as easily be that person: my Braxton Hicks start in the first trimester (strong and crampy) and for the last trimester (at least), it is a normal day for me to have contractions every 5-20 minutes. Since I have home births now, and don't call until I am *having* the baby, even my providers have no idea what's been going on (that I've been contracting for 1-2 minutes every 2-5 minutes for hours/days at a time for the last 2+ months).

My midwife charts my labors as 2 hours long! It makes me want to go into a triage in my 20th week and get "charted." I'm sure it would be very validating! But then I'd probably be even more, "oh, please!" in my head when people share their drama with me.

Sorry! Didn't mean to make this into a therapy session. Feels good, though! I just discovered this blog this morning. So funny. I hope you post some more!

Melvin said...

I was playing games online however for reading this post more interesting thanks for the share please do keep it going great job....Loveing this.

Cheers,

___________________
Melvin
Get your company name famous across the world with online marketing

Jade van Blomestein said...

No no no no....really....who does that? and worse..who does that an admits it?? ahahahahah! I just came across your Blog today and I am soooo sad to see its over two years since you posted...awww come back, write more!!

Jade van Blomestein said...

No no no no....really....who does that? and worse..who does that an admits it?? ahahahahah! I just came across your Blog today and I am soooo sad to see its over two years since you posted...awww come back, write more!!

TonyF said...

OMG!

prozac linked to birth defects

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