Thursday, December 6, 2007

Say What?

In the middle of what was a freakishly chaotic Tuesday night I found this gem. Please note that the italics are my internal thoughts. Please try and imagine an 18 year old that walked in with silk PJ's and a lazy eye. She was accompanied by a big burly man of probably 30 something with lots of facial hair and many tattoos with rather tasteless subject matter. She sounded dumb as dirt.

Also, she is only 34 weeks and was on her 4th labor check in the past 2 weeks.

Me: So what brings you in tonight?

Patient: I think my water broke.

Me: Did you feel a big gush of fluid or did you start leaking...?

Patient: Well you see, me and hims were getting intimate (eww) and when he done put it in me it started to feel wet.

It's supposed to feel wet, haven't you figured this out by now.

Well, so then he done took it out and we looked at the blanket we was laying on and it looked like maybe it was a little damp. It was pink. We went and got ourself a towel and went back at it.

Kill me now please.

So then he puts it back in me and it was done wet again.

Dear God, it's supposed to be wet.

So he takes it out and I told him to put his hand up there and see how it felt.

You what???!?!??

He says it was still wet so I asked him to taste it and see if it tastes like pee.

Of course it doesn't taste like pee, it was in your vagina...and why did you have to tell me he knows what piss tastes like???

He said it didn't so we came on in.

Me: Ok, next time you think your water is broken, don't put anything in your vagina.

And yes, it was pee.

18 comments:

sarah said...

OMG--that is beyond hysterical. I don't know how you do it. This reminded me of SNL's Appalachian Emergency room skit...priceless.

Jessie said...

Oh dear god.

Labor Lore said...

I'm starting to wonder if we work in the same hospital! Thoroughly enjoying your posts!

Cat said...

that is so disgusting! What kind of silk pajamas fit a 34 week pregnant woman??

Séverine said...

Seriously, I mean SERIOUSLY???!!!

I bet it tasted really good too.

cath said...

OH MY DEAR LORD!!!!!

katie said...

Oh dear lord! That was bad! I LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog so keep them coming.
:0)

Mary M. said...

That is disgusting! I just discovered your blog and love it! I promise not to be one of "those" pregnant people. :)

Future OB/GYN said...

I LOVE this blog! It is so funny! Please keep posting!

Melissa & Jon said...

Not to keep talking about pee or anything, but this blog continues to make me laugh so hard I nearly pee my pants.

Julie said...

Oh my, your blog brings back all the memories of my days in l&d. How I've missed meeting all those quacks! Keep the stories coming!!

Robbie and Martha said...

Love your blog . . . keep the post coming!!!

BeaLea said...

O-M-G! That was fantastic. Thankyou.

casavilla said...

Ewww! I'm getting more and more convinced we see the same patients! We could get into a whole other blog thread with the panic (and immediate transfer) from ER with anyone who even has any inkling they could be pregnant...

Maggie said...

You have got to be KIDDING me!!!! Hard to believe nature allows people with that much "sense" to even GET pregnant!!!! My hospital is not THAT entertaining! lol

That Chick Over There said...

OH! GOD! AND! JESUS!!!

I cannot stop laughing!

Jade van Blomestein said...

AAAAAHAAAAAAA HAAAAA HAAAAAA HA!! no no no no and eeeeuuuuwww...I mean really..this pee tasting thing is just getting outta hand!*gag*

Shar B. said...

Proof positive that breeding should be selective.