Thursday, January 24, 2008

Thanks for the warning.

A while back I noticed a patient of mine had a cyst on one of the outer lips of her vagina. No big deal. It happens.

Come time for delivery, with the patient up in stir ups and the spotlight on her girl parts I notice the doctor silently but quite attentively inspecting the cyst between contractions. I see her poke at it. Then, with no warning what-so-ever she gives it a firm squeeze and a ridiculous amount of purulent discharge comes squirting out at a speed that I am pretty sure broke the sound barrier. It is heading right at me. I manage to move just enough that it hit me in the shoulder.

I give the doctor a "what the hell was that all about" glare.

She looks at me apologetically.

The whole time the patient remained blissfully unaware.

14 comments:

Ariella said...

Ouch! I am glad she didn't feel it becuase those suckers hurt when they pop! But still that is gross that the Dr did that one with out asking and two with it pointed in your direction. Gross!

Meegs said...

Um, ewww. So freakin gross. Why the hell wouldn't the doc warn you before shooting vagina pustulence at you?! LOL.

Sommer said...

EW!

RC said...

Oh ick...

Donna said...

Ugh, I have my L&D rotation next week for school. I hope nothing like that happens!

MichelleAnn said...

So disgusting! I have been reading your blog for a couple months and it's hilarious. Thanks for making me laugh!!

Ally said...

Oh.my.god. I just read your entire blog front to back and it is seriously one of the most hilarious things I have ever seen. You really could get this published as an anthology.

The Nurse said...

Reminds me of last night (though I didn't get squirted at) when the Dr. says to the pt. whom she was repairing her periurethral tear... this might hurt, it's on a VERY senstive area... pt. had NO clue exactly WHAT sensitive area it was... but the Doctor kept giving me the eye... because she knew I knew... OUCH...

Flann said...

What is it with you and projectile vaginal secretions? :(

Jennboree said...

HA. Just wandered in courtesy of DaMomma's tagging you for a meme and WOW was this post unexpected!

I plan to read every one of your other posts!

DaMomma said...

Speaking of warnings ...

You might want to consider that top post for the next day or so. Not that the surprise vaginal secretion wasn't hysterically funny.

But, FYI, you've been tagged. Good luck!


http://damomma.com/2008/01/29/i-dont-do-memes-unless-theyre-for-carolie-or-anyone-who-approves-of-her/

Stacey said...

And now I'm really sorry that I discovered this blog on my lunch hour.

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~*~Coy~*~ said...

Hahaha...I think in this case, "purulent" can actually be replaced with "pussy" and be completely valid ;). (And yes, I've actually seen "puss-y in a chart, written by a nurse practitioner. :S)