Monday, October 15, 2007

You can't even make this stuff up.

In L&D you see all sorts of crazies. Some of the extremes are the women that come in and deliver at 9 months and never knew they were pregnant until they come into the ER for "severe cramping". We will go there later. On the other end of that are the people that come in and aren't even pregnant. We will go there now.

A rather obese woman came in, walked up to L&D and said she thought she was in labor. See the "call your doc first post" for the conversation that followed although it will soon become obvious why she didn't. Since she didn't have a doctor with privileges at the hospital she became the responsibility of the practice that was taking call for the ER. As I am walking her back to her room she mentions she is having twins. I send her to the bathroom and ask her to take off everything but her bra and change into her gown. She comes out and tucks herself into bed, much shyer than the average patient about "exposing" herself. I figure we will cross this hurdle a little later. I try to put her on the monitor and I can't find one heart beat, much less two.

Fearing the worst, I get the midwife back there who pulls out the ultrasound to see what is going on with the babies. What she saw was probably more shocking than two dead babies. Not only were there no babies but where the heck was the uterus. Upon "gentle inspection" down south, it turns out "she" was a "he" who apparently needed a psychiatrist, not an OB. I can't wait until his insurance gets to sort out that bill.

11 comments:

The Princess said...

Simply stunning... almost too hilarious to be true!

AtYourCervix said...

That certainly beats out my patient who was "20 weeks pregnant" and bleeding. Nada in the uterus.

Her bleeding? Her period.

HCG level? Zippo.

l&d.rn said...

You've only had that happen once? I apparently live in crazy town because it seems to happen once a month. It's just usually women.

OBRNinMA said...

see my post "phantom pregnancy" I just had a similar experience...until then I had only heard urban nursing legend!

swedishnurse said...

We had a woman rushed up to the floor once by 3 EMTs, an ER doc and ER nurse. She was pregnant with triplets....at 40 weeks. Hmmmmm. The EMTs were helping her breathe through her contractions. The ER doc had checked her cervix in the ER (shock!) and didn't think she was dilated yet. A sono revealed no signs of a baby, let alone three. The patient claimed the babies always tried to hide when she had sonos done. The patient spent the next week up on the psych unit trying to push her babies out.

Ithica said...

I know this is an old post but had to laugh. I've been going between bing a nurse or a vet technologist...I'm an avid animal lover. I think your post definitely helped me decide.

Many thanks,
Ithica

Freyja said...

Oh. My. God.

Melanie said...

Ummm.... Wow is all I can really say!

MarsBar said...

Oh wow. I have been reading your blog back to front. This one blew my mind. Wow.

I wonder if anything that strange will ever happen in the small hospital where I work.

Maybe I shouldn't be saying that out loud?

DJK said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH \



WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


HOOOOOHHEEEEEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


Poor nurse...

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